


the world's stopped spinning (but only for me)

by rainonherwindow



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/M, do not deal with your feelings like kara does at the start that bad for you, first thing i write in like 2 years and its this piece of garbage im so sorry, guess i just like to suffer, i just wanted to contribute to the karamel fanbase bc theres so much hate it makes me sad, kara & alex being sisterly and supportive is my aesthetic, karamel dragged me out of writer hell and I aint even mad, like Kara is REALLY SAD and does a lot of BAD REPRESSING, my girl kara is in a lot of distress, they fuck me up so bad??, this is karamel y'all can fight me i'm going down with this ship, why did i do this to ma gal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-15 20:51:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11238954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainonherwindow/pseuds/rainonherwindow
Summary: She was okay. She couldn't be anything but. After all, Supergirl didn't show weakness, or pain. Supergirl was invincible: a beacon of strength and hope to the people of National City. She couldn't afford to betray any glimpse of the person beneath the suit and the insignia emblazoned across her chest. But Kara Danvers - Kara Danvers was caving in.





	the world's stopped spinning (but only for me)

**Author's Note:**

> look I know it's been almost 2 years but I lost my groove and karamel brought it back to life kicking and dancing for joy (trust me to pick the ship that is apparently widely hated l o l the antis can legit kiss my ass, I love these two and I'll protect them with my life)
> 
> anyway, karamel fam I offer this crappy oneshot, pls accept me

She was okay.

She saw the looks everyone sent her way when they thought she wasn't watching, of course- the worried eyes, the furrowed brows. The pity.

But she was _okay._ She couldn't be anything but. After all, Supergirl didn't show weakness, or pain. Supergirl was _invincible_ : a beacon of strength and hope to the people of National City. She couldn't afford to betray any glimpse of the person beneath the suit and the insignia emblazoned across her chest. Supergirl was the pillar of stability that the citizens relied upon, that they adored, that little girls looked up and saw and thought, maybe they were just as strong as any boy.

But Kara Danvers - _Kara Danvers was caving in._ She tried her best to ignore it, to pretend like just beneath her skin there wasn't a hollow, aching emptiness. She masked it with fake smiles and forced laughter, with _hello_ s and _how are you_ s and _how's Maggie?, I'm glad you and M'gann are doing good_. She knew she wasn't fooling anyone - the discreet glances and whispered conversations she'd overheard were evidence of that - but she refused to let anyone _see._ She refused to mute the happiness of her friends - her _family -_ with her own feelings.

Her world had stopped, but theirs carried on spinning.

Alex was the most persistent. It showed in her regularly scheduled texts ( _you okay?, love you, pizza and star wars tonight?_ ) and the constant touches ( _she'd catch Kara's hand in her own, hug her hello, hug her goodbye, squeeze her shoulder in passing_ ). But she was also the one whose happiness Kara refused to dampen the most. Alex had sacrificed so much for her, and now she was the happiest she'd ever been, engaged to the woman she adored. More than anyone, Alex deserved to enjoy that happiness and Kara would not take that away from her. The others were less obvious, but their worried gazes and questions after her wellbeing were no less persistent.

So she put on a front, avoided meeting up when she just couldn't stomach their cheer. _Did that make her a bad person?_

Probably.

She rarely returned to her loft anymore. The reminders were too fresh, too raw. (His shoes were still stacked haphazardly in the shoe rack, his shirts still hung up alongside hers. Her copy of _Order of the Phoenix_ was still sitting on the coffee table, marked up to the point he'd reached, words highlighted in fluorescent pink and little notes scribbled in the margins in his slanted writing.) After months of leaving it untouched - of her refusing to change anything because then he'd be gone completely and entirely, like he was never even _there_ \- the space felt cold and unreal and so, so _empty_.

So she spent all her time at CatCo or being Supergirl.

Snapper had commented that she was the most diligent she'd ever been under his management ( _"It's unsettling me. There's nothing wrong is there, Ponytail?"_ ), but the words she wrote felt stilted and listless.

She ate more out of habit than any real desire to do so - mechanically eating the food Alex shoved down her throat only to ease the worry that crinkled her sister's brow. Sleep, however, mostly eluded her. Instead, the night stretched into agonising hours wrapped around his pillow, the smell of him long since lost from the fabric. The few hours of sleep she did manage to catch were filled with his touch and his voice and _I love you_ s. ( _Warmth and safety and home.)_ Then she'd jolt awake to the echo of his laugh and the fading memory of his eyes, her fingers reaching across the mattress to meet nothing but cold sheets.

The only relief she could find, the only thing that made her _feel_ was the sensation of her fists making solid contact with wrongdoers; the electricity that crackled through her veins as she saved an innocent; when kids gazed at her with wide, awestruck eyes and asked her if one day they could save people too. It eased, if only for a moment, the inexorable hollowness in her chest.

According to the NCPD, Supergirl's newfound relentlessness of recent months had launched National City's crime rates into record lows.

"Supergirl has been different lately," Lena had broached the topic over lunch, after effectively kidnapping Kara during her break. "I wonder what's happening with her, it's... strange," she'd chewed thoughtfully on a bite of baguette. "I hope she's alright."

Kara had hummed and searched around desperately for a change of subject, when she'd been interrupted by the waiter arriving with her hot chocolate. He'd placed it and a napkin on the table in front of her before whisking away back behind the counter. She'd been about to pick up the mug, when her eye caught sight of something scrawled on the corner of the napkin and her stomach had dropped.

A number, and a winky-face.

"Kara?" Lena had asked, leaning across the table with concern. "Are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost- oh." Her eyes landed on the message. She scrunched up her nose. "Classy."

Kara swallowed and turned the napkin over with shaky hands. An uncomfortable tingling ran beneath her skin, her stomach twisting into unpleasant knots.

"Kara-"

"I'm okay," she interrupted Lena, clasping her trembling hands in her lap and forcing a laugh. She didn't touch the hot chocolate. "Sorry, it's silly. It's just-"

"I know," her friend cut across, offering Kara a sad, understanding smile. "I know, you miss him. We all do."

She'd gone home after that - called in sick to work on the way back and let herself into her empty, _empty_ apartment. She made it as far as the breakfast bar, dropping her keys onto it with a loud clatter, before her knees gave way. She crashed to the floor, clutching at the worktop with stiff, pale fingers, and _cried._ The empty numbness gave way, and her chest shook with the force of the sobs that choked out from between her lips. _God_ , it hurt, it _hurt._ She felt like she was collapsing from the inside. It hurt to breathe, to feel, to _be._ She clapped a hand over her mouth and _wailed,_ the pain ripping out from within her like a solar flare.

Blindly, she reached for her phone, her grip nearly cracking the case. She selected the contact automatically. It rang once, twice, three times-

"A-Alex?" She croaked out between sobs.

" _Kara? Kara! What's wrong?"_

"Alex I- I-"

_"Where are you? Hold on I'm tracing the call-"_

"Alex, I'm- I-"

" _Hang on, I'm coming."_

Kara didn't know how long she sat there, crying brokenly into her wood-panelled kitchen floor, but suddenly Alex was there, arms wrapped tight around her, stroking Kara's long blonde curls.

"Shhhh," she soothed, tucking Kara's head under her chin. "It's okay, Kara, let it out. I'm here. I'm here."

Kara clutched the front of Alex's shirt like a lifeline, her tears soaking the cloth.

"I'm- so sor- sorry," she hiccupped. "I _sorry-_ It's just- I just- I _miss_ him _so much,_ it _hurts-_ it _hurts-"_

Alex hushed her again and pulled her closer. "I know, sis, I know. It's okay to cry, you're allowed to cry."

"But I'm _Supergirl-_ What kind of-" Kara choked on another sob. "What kind of crap female role model- crying over _a guy-_ over _love-"_

"Hey!" Alex leaned back and cupped Kara's face. "None of that, okay? You're an amazing role model, and who the hell said being in love - crying over love - makes you any less of a badass, independent woman? Supergirl is in pain, _Kara_ is in pain. Feelings don't make you weak, Kara. Love doesn't diminish you. We'll have none of that, you idiot." She wiped away the tears spilling from Kara's eyes with her thumbs. "Okay?"

Kara nodded. "Yeah," she said quietly. "Yeah I know."

"Good," Alex smiled wetly, tears glistening in her own eyes. "Now let yourself cry."

And she did.

Neither Kara nor Supergirl were invincible.

And she wasn't okay.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry for how rusty and clunky this is, its been 84 years since I've written anything and I churned this out literally in the last three hours, it's half one in the morning.  
> I also apologise for any typos, it's half one in the morning.  
> Also if you u wanna interact with me more/slash see the shite i think about go follow my tumblr @rainonherwindow


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